Accept no substitutes

This post is brought to you by my derby twin.

I won’t get into my aversion to dairy substitutes again because I’ve already beaten that metaphorical horse to death. But thanks to her, I am now the proud owner of a quart of almondmilk and a tub of fake butter. More importantly, I have consumed both and survived.

In going with our accidental twinning, my derby twin also cannot have dairy, but unlike my forced and purely cosmetic reasons, she’s lactose intolerant, so dairy is actually a bad thing for her. So when this challenge started, she was down for helping me come up with things I could eat without wanting to cry.

A lot of the league people had been sharing Whole30 and other healthy-ish recipes that happened to lack dairy since apparently dairy is “evil” even if your face doesn’t look like crap. Lots of nice neat bento box-style meat-veggie-sometimes-carbs setups. Those are pretty easy to keep dairy out because cheese is often just a seasoning for other “bad stuff.”

I was cool with this kind of plan — it forces me to eat more vegetables rather than filling up on potatoes. But my derby twin brought me almondmilk and fake butter at practice Tuesday because she had a coupon and thought I might want to try some dairy-free versions of foods I’d normally eat.

(this post took me a little longer to write and I got derailed by recent news developments and a minor existential crisis, so I’m going to keep this short)

I tried the almondmilk last night with ice and coffee syrup, and I don’t know if it was the ice or what but it didn’t really taste like anything. If I had to pick a word I would say it tasted like grain: not grainy as in texture but grain-like in being very bland. It’s been in the fridge since then so I won’t have to add ice to it next time, so I’ll report back when I try it again.

The fake butter was on my bread at dinner tonight as a sad attempt at a consolation prize for eating chicken parm without the parm, so really just chicken, pasta and tomato sauce. It tasted just like the real stuff on the bread. When I dropped some on my plate and just ate that bit straight up, I could tell that it wasn’t the real stuff because it was sweeter, but it was still pretty close.

Food today:

  • eggs, bacon and a snowflake roll
  • pork chop and mixed veggies, 2 Fig Newtons, raisins and honey roasted peanuts, applesauce
  • chicken parm without the parm, bread and fake butter, two more Fig Newtons

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